Hobos in Space

Two west side hobos talking in a vacuum, thinking they're funny.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Tiresias Breaks Her Silence: "Put Them Away!"

The call came in simply enough: a request from a relative. Our dear Tiresias has become the personal shopper of a thirty-five-year-old fourth cousin/grandchild/grandniece (Tiresias's lineage is long as the days and hard to track). Said fourth cousin/grandchild/grandniece is with child and requested that Tiresias take her seeing eye-dog over to Macys (luckily it's open again, following the bizarre ConEd fart of yesterday) and head straight to the Maternity section. I heard Tiresias's shriek all the way from Grand Central. Now that she has gathered her wits again, she's offered some thoughts on the horrifying, yet necessary errand and on the need for the bra, in general:

"Yes, they're a necessity or you're going to have major flopping of flesh ... I actually find the free swing of mammary glands just a bit disgusting, as though you're advertising your breeding potential ... and I'm not into that. And it seems something more appropriate for, oh, I don't know, a remote cabin in the middle of nowhere, a beach in high summer, a vacation somewhere else fabulous (but also remote), or while in some state of dishabille. If you're getting out of the shower or you've just gone to bangkok, it's okay.

"Other than that, it's no-go."