The Lake House, Part Two

Here’s a telling detail: I went to see the movie at noon on a Sunday, alone, and paid $10.75 like any decent person who wants to go see a movie in the theater. No kidding. I could have gotten a slice of pizza, a frappuccino, and an Us Weekly, where I could have seen a shot of Sandra Bullock eating corn dogs with her biker husband.

See the previous entry on Il Mare for background rants, which would also explain why I was compelled to leave my newly cleaned apartment at what normal people would consider the crack of dawn to the theater at Lincoln Center on the first officially hot day of summer.

So was it as good as the original? Was it worth the price? Do I recommend it? Well, moment of hesitation, no no and no. Did the Keane song from the trailer make it anywhere near the movie? No. Did the Keane song make it onto the soundtrack at least?

Why insist on asking these futile questions? Let’s just get to MY reaction. I, Tiresias, declare that this movie wasn’t quite the dud I predicted it would be, but worse in a way, because it pretty much followed the original at the same time that it went out of its way to overexplain everything. A Hollywood side-effect, perhaps, or one of their selling points. It’s like they’re trying to explain to a bunch of retarded kids, and I’m like, hello, give the slow folk a little more credit than this.

Here’s an example: Alex, the main guy living in 2004 (our Keanu), has a very conflicted relationship with his father, played by Christopher Plummer (upon his appearance, these old crack-ups behind me went, “Hey, you remember him?” but they were shushed before they went too far down memory lane). We never know what the real problem is, except that he’s controlling. But a lot of time is spent on a character that didn’t even need to be there. I guess cause they wanted Christopher Plummer. And here’s something you never want to pay to see: Keanu Reeves crying out of grief and loneliness and the weight of sorrow. It just can’t be done … sorry. Big crush on Keanu and all, but still, the man can’t do sorrow.

So in the end, instead of cheering for them to get together, you’re just like, do it already, we’re sick of you. All your problems could have been solved (and thus, no movie) if one of you thought to google the other. Of course, there wouldn’t have been much of a movie, and so that falls flat. Again fulfilling my role as a killjoy when really I’m just all in favor of efficiency. And when Kate (our dear Sandra) bursts into fits over why they can’t even try to be together, you’re just like, wait a minute, lady … how old are you again? What’s this whole waiting business? And aren’t you too old to be basing your life on a book? (Kind of a spoiler, so instead of explaining, I’ll just leave it at that.)

It did have some good moments. I really do enjoy both Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock, and seeing them together is a nice thing altogether. And I had a bit of a lump in my throat when I saw the great Chicago buildings. It’s fitting, then, that this was set in Chicago, a city full of architectural oddities and yet close enough to drive your vintage Mustang to the lake house for some paranormal letter-exchanges.