You think you want a shih-tzu?

The morning starts with two non-sequiturs.

Cass: Watched Run Lola Run last night ...great flick, love it. I want a shih-tzu.

Tiresias: You should get one of those fluffy little old men dogs. Definitely. Then we'd match misery.

[she says, carelessly, not knowing Cass would take her the least bit seriously, but occasionally Cass does, which means Cass ends up on the 2 train to the afterlife because Tiresias told her to get on the uptown 1 and it only runs express on the weekends, WHICH MEANS she gets off at Central Park North and hears two guys saying, "White girl got off at the wrong stop," cackling fit to choke.]

Cass: I WANT one sooooo bad ... so bad ... but I’m so irresponsible and love being able to get up and go. Damn.

Tiresias [writing in all caps, but minimized to regular type to spare potential readers, twitching with rage and hyperventilating, especially after this morning, when her own dog ran across the street in twisty, devil-may-care Central Park traffic]:

Okay so I take it back. It's not a good idea to get a dog especially a puppy especially a whacko purebreed and don't forget they're Chinese and we know what we think of the subway lap-sitters, Chinatown weird phoenix and dragon testicles peddlers, and delivery boys on bicycles going against traffic, so don't get a dog and don't even think about adopting one either they're lots of trouble and you will never have a social life because you have to cuddle them all day all night without reprieve and atone for the sins of their previous owners who locked them in closets and forced them to eat their own feces.

And don't forget that puppies need to go outside all the time ... you'll be dragging the dog out at one in the morning, and then she'll be raring to go at five ... oh, okay, I mean 4:30 a.m. And you'll be doing laundry a lot, and cleaning up a lot of vomit.

Then she might decide to chew on some things ... Prada, Kors, J Crew shirts, reference/library books, anyone?

Then she'll do stupid stuff like cross the street in full traffic and nearly get herself killed. You will be prostrate on the ground hysterical crying for days, while she will have forgotten about it in two seconds. I should show you these pictures I took of her about five minutes later. Knowing the context, you'd probably find them funny.

So yeah, I don't REALLY advocate getting a dog. Oh, and even if you entertained notions of getting rid of her (a la my brillliant idea to drop her off in Jersey), you'd still never get over it, because you raised her from a pup it's almost like having a goddamn child.

Cass [probably going "Okayyy...." and changing the subject rapidly]: Think we’ll get out early tomorrow? Barneys Warehouse sale tomorrow post-work?