10 Items or Fewer

So Morgan Freeman will be starring in a movie that will once again contribute to the total utter decline of the English language. The movie is called 10 Items or Less. Which I guess dashes my own dreams to dust in my quest to do this in totality. He beats me to it, I guess, because, he's, what, MORGAN FREEMAN? And people actually CARE about him?

Didn't say it was gonna be easy, Tiresias.

Actually, the sticker that lured calorie-conscious shoppers of the eighties and nineties, "Less fat, fewer calories," was actually dead-on correct in its grammar, plus got its point across to great effect. "Fat" is an entity that cannot be counted unless you talk about it in terms that can be measured. "Calories" can be counted. One calorie is an existing unit. One fat isn't, unless you're talking about the lady with the chocolate pudding stains on her sweatpants and bra with the broken underwire and greasy hair and smelling like last night's chicken curry trying to climb the stairs after her dog who's straining on her leash trying to get to the Monday morning picnic remains from the weekend.

Who is that well-known writer who goes apeshit when he sees the "10 Items Or Less" sign in the grocery stores? Is it David Foster Wallace? I would too, seeing as they capitalized "Or" when it should be lowercase.

I think I need a life.